The path to self awareness

by BadMotherFucker

If you were lucky enough to be born on the west side of this planet, you have a task to fulfill, you have to be stylish. On the other hand, if you live everywhere else on this planet you should be satisfied, if before your 40s, you don’t die because of hunger, thirst, spreading diseases, human stupidity or chemical waste. In other words, we have Cairo, where people cannot breath because of air pollution and streets are full of rats and rubbish and then we have a golden boy, who pays his ass in order for his living room to have “an idea of life in Cairo” and the decorator chooses the carpets and the paintings on the walls and a foot-sculpture in the middle of the living room, which looks like a shisha, but it’s modern art, and now that I’m thinking it reminds me of a gas container with blisters. This is the world we are living in.

If you pay respect to those people who struggle to change those contrasts but you feel too weak to contribute to their effort, you can start doing something today and get rid of “the style”. Start to reject fashion designers, plastic surgeons and unemployed psychologists. Get rid of stress- save the planet- and don’t be idiots (that’s the main thing).

But we are not talking about easy solutions like: I don’t wear a tie, I don’t drive a fancy car, I don’t go clubbing and stuff, these are for fucking amateurs!

Here are three tips to help you start:

1)      “No it’s not a stamp, it’s a ketchup stain”

How many of you had a poor classmate who was dressed in the same sweats for at least 25days in a row, he was wearing big glasses and no one wanted to be friends him because we was good at nothing. Yeah, the one whom girls disliked more than a piece of snot, which is stuck on a handle of a bus. And you motherfucker, for some reason, you were thinking that you are better than him on everything , especially when your mother bought you those Jordan air-max shoes and you had the illusion that you are better than Scotty Pippen. So, just to inform you, this old classmate, started working in his father’s grocery, he started selling also telemarketing products (plastic meatballs for massage, nuclear underwear etc.)and he is making way more money than you and me.

And what have YOU AND ME done so far? We are breaking everybody’s balls with this never-ending master and at least my creativity cannot score me a goal because I have an amazing goalkeeper.

2)      “Lars von Trier and bullshit, have you ever watched Will Ferel’s “Stepbrothers”?

You are not supposed to be this “intellectual” guy who reads, listens, and watches only intellectual and underground things, and then he goes into deep analysis trying to figure out what the fuck did the director had on his mind and how he expressed it. Don’t be ashamed and tell us that you fell asleep during the last Jim Jarmush’s movie. If you don’t do so, you will end up listening to indigenous people’s from Fire of Land music. To be honest I have nothing against them, they are fucking awesome, but fuck the music industry which makes money out of them.

Will Ferel’s quote “We’re going streaking!”, which he repeats during the whole “Old-school” on, is way better than any intellectual bullshit that wins the “Golden Chameleon” and blah blah Black Sabbath! If at any time you find yourself in an intellectual mood, just lay on the bed and wait for it to pass.

3)    “Yes, it was me who farted! What can I do dudes, I’ve been eating my mother’sbeans all week long!”

With the first sentence, you take the full responsibility of your action, and at the same time your sincerity should be praised. The fact that you admitted that you are the source of this stinky smell, which everybody smells, should be only positively accepted by your friends.

With the second sentence, you immediately turn, even those hardcore people who could probably tolerate you, off and you state, in a very clear way, that you live with your parents, besides the fact that you’re almost 36 and you have never, even once, paid the water bill, for all those years that you are drinking water.

So, we can say that people who will stick with you after all these things, are people who highly appreciate you as a person and they believe in your high intelligence and your deep thoughts. In other words, they are attracted by your personality.

BUT if you suddenly realize after doing all these that people try to avoid you like the doctor’s enclosed results of a biopsy in pancreas, it means that besides a motherfucking rude asshole who is attached to his mother, you are also indifferent as a person.

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